Every Child Needs a Hero Pt 2

Every child needs a hero.  Dads have an opportunity and a responsibility to be a hero for their families.  Here are some things that heros do:

Heroes give a person clear direction.  They choose the good and are an example to those who follow.  A heroic father sets a good example for his children – in his actions, his language, his friendships, his relationship with mom, what he watches on TV, etc.  He is laying the footprints down for his child to follow.  A hero has tested the world.  He has walked in it and his child can see clearly where he has walked.  When your child is able to clearly see where you are leaving footprints, he will see the way through life that has been tried and tested.  He will learn to trust.

Part of giving direction is using effective discipline to correct and train your child.  The purpose of discipline is to teach self-discipline; it is to give a child the opportunity to learn how to make good choices now and later in life – choices that reflect social responsibility and care for relationships and people.   A hero dad will effectively and purposefully discipline his child.

Heroes are not afraid to face their mistakes.  They are willing to learn and grow and ask forgiveness when necessary.  Many times I have messed up in relating with my daughters.  Just the other day, I heard two of them arguing over a toy and I blew into the room and took the toy away with hardly a word.  This escalated the situation because now they were both ticked with me.  I realized my mistake and backed away.  This gave me an opportunity to tell them I had handled the situation wrong and we were able to talk about it.  

There is something inviting in the eyes of a child who is hearing their hero say “I’m sorry”.  I saw that in both my daughters’ eyes that day.  It was a look of respect and appreciation.  I hope they learn that we all make mistakes and that real heroes take responsibility for the ways we mess up.

Heroes let others take responsibility for their own lives.  A hero is not a person who fixes everything or does everything for someone.  Instead, he allows another person to do what they can.  In fact, the true hero brings out the hero inside of us.  He encourages and enables others to find their abilities and live them out.  The dad who spends time listening to his child’s dreams of the future and takes him seriously is already planting the seed for a new hero – one who will become the role model for someone else.  But this father must do more than listen to the dreams.  He must act on them so that the child does not become embittered or resentful or fearful.  A heroic father gives his child space to grow and learn.  But the key here is “listen”.  You can’t know what your child’s dreams are if you don’t pay attention to what she says, how she plays, or what holds her attention.  Ask yourself what you can do to become a student of your child.

Heroes are truly heroic when they help those who cannot help themselves –like a firefighter in a blazing house who rushes in to save the child trapped high above, or the man who jumps into freezing water to lift the drowning child onto dry ground, or the father who stays home from work to be with his son after the death of his grandfather.  A child comes into this world with no ability to help himself – except the piercing screams of “Where’s that nipple?!”  Your child can and will grow to learn to help himself, but for much of the first 6 . . . 10 . . .16 . . . 30 years of life, there are moments where you need to step in and help your child.  He is learning how to live and this means there are times when he will be in over his head and his hero needs to be there.  Heroes intervene.  Sometimes heroes need to intervene when a person doesn’t think they are in danger – like telling your child not to cross the road, or to not hang out with a certain friend, or to change the channel on the TV.  These are sometimes the hardest interventions because the child does not realize the danger - but you do.  And he will learn to trust your interventions when they are given with respect, consistency, and as clear an explanation as in possible.

    So Dad, what are you doing to be the hero in your family?  What obstacles do you need to face in order to be with your child?  You may need to rethink the amount of time you spend at work.  You may need to take responsibility for some of your attitudes or actions.  It doesn’t matter if you are married, living together, or separated.  You, Dad, need to be a hero to your children and there may be seemingly impossible odds you are up against.  Your child may be in the care of a child welfare agency.  The mother of your child may not be allowing you to see your child.  You may work 12-14 hours a day and have little time or energy for your child when you are home.  You need to find a way to be the hero, and the first heroic action may be to deal with the barriers that are in the way of you being involved in your child’s life.  So face these barriers.  Deal with them.  Get to your child and let him watch your good example as he grows up.  Your son needs you.  Your daughter needs you.  And though sons and daughters need different things from you, they both need you to be a hero.