But is there one key thing that dads need to do? Is there one thing that will, despite all the mistakes I may make, be the main role or function that without any doubt will leave a lasting, positive impression on my kids?
Building trust. How do we do it? By leading by example. By being a man worthy of our kids' devotion.
Here's how we do it:
- practice patience
- live a joyful life
- treat others with kindness
- be at peace with yourself and others
- live with integrity - what you see from me is who I am whether you are there or not
- exercise self-control
- be gentle with words and actions
- be faithful to the ones you care about the most
This is nurturing. This is creating an environment that encourages our children to thrive.
Kids are looking for a leader to follow. They are living to see a man who takes initiative in his relationships. Having this role model who earns the right to be respected rallies a child to trust that man. And when they don't trust their dad, they will go looking other places for someone else to lead them.
So, trust is the main thing. Trust is not given by kids - though they are longing for a dad they can trust. Trust is earned by being consistent in their lives over the course of time.
And like with anything that makes a difference, we need to keep the "main thing" the main thing. And that may be the biggest challenge we will ever face.
What is your "main thing"?
Building trust through early ages will hopefully continue into later years. However once the teen years hit and the "asserting-independence" stage hits, how can Dad keep this trust and foster it's growth without being smothering on the teen's development. Understanding that guidelines (not rules) need to be set in order to keep your child out of harm's way while they explore their own world, how do you strike a balance between being the disciplinarian while at the same time continuing to be the hero dad that your child hopefully grew up with?
ReplyDeleteIn response to Anonymous:
ReplyDeletevery true and well said. I think that is the question that every parent asks. "Will what I do early on actually make a difference later on?" One of the things to remember is that life, though it seems quick, still happens one day at a time. Perhaps we sometimes look at our kids and think that there will suddenly be a change over night and "what I miss that one moment?" Instead, there is a slow, relaxing of the rules over time. We slowly let them make more and more decisions on their own through the school age years and then when they are in high school and facing the potential turmoil of adolescence they are used to handling things. The leap to adolescence is a smaller one when children are given opportunities to test themselves, the world around them, and you, in small increments.
I think the hero dads through adolescence gradually allow their children to experience freedom and teach them the responsibility that comes with that freedom. It is the kids who are suddenly given all the time they want and everything else they want who will have more struggle with the independence.