Survive or Thrive?

Have you ever noticed how many books and articles written for dads take a "survival" guide theme?  "A Survival Guide for the New Dad"  "Dad's Survival Guide to the Toddler Years"  "How a Dad Can Survive the Teenage Era".  And on one level, I get it.  Using a "survival guide" theme speaks to the urge in many men (and it may be a generalization) to be in the outdoors, standing against nature, braving the elements, fighting the good fight and then bringing the stories back to their wives, buddies, dogs, or to anyone who will listen.  We all love a good survival story.  And like a good football game where we armchair quarterback without really being in the battle for the pigskin, we sometimes live off the thrills and spills of other men who have "really been there".

But I wonder if there is more to being a dad than mere survival.  Survival implies a few things:

1. I'm barely hanging on - I exist despite an ordeal
2. I will barely make it to my destination
3. my journey has been full of struggle, tragedy, and near-death experiences
4. I've made it to something better where I no longer need to "just hang on"

There are times as a dad where it feels like we are just hanging on, where there seems more tragedy than triumph, and where I'm just waiting for this to all go away.  There are times when we don't see the way, when we wonder what is the best decision to make, and we wonder if this child will actually turn out OK or if I will seriously harm her development in some way.  At times, being a dad feels like mere survival.

But I want to raise the bar here.  If we settle for a survival mentality, we are selling ourselves and our children short.  We must thrive, not just survive.  Thriving carries the idea of living with vigor, developing intentionally, doing well.  There are a couple of things that help us thrive:

1. our focus - survivalist focus on the minimum required to just make it.  Thriving focuses on getting the most out of whatever situation we are given.
2. our attitude - survivalists have to be careful of pessimism.  The diaper is usually half empty.  Thriving means we focus on the possibilities - the diaper is only half full.
3. our relationship - thriving comes with building a trusting relationship with your child and living in a trusting relationship with others, especially mom.

I know being a dad can be tough.  What I'm trying to encourage here is not denial of the tough times, but rather taking an honest look at our attitude and focus.  Often the right attitude is what gets us through the tough stuff, more so than knowing the right thing to do.  Because, honestly, fathering is less about knowing the right thing to do than it is about having the right relationship, attitude, and focus.

What do you do that encourages thriving beyond surviving?