It's 9:44 pm.
I have just got the kids to bed, my wife has gone to sleep, the laundry is spinning, and I've just finished an 11 hour work day. Who said a dad doesn't do a "second shift" most days?
It got me thinking about what we sacrifice as fathers. What do we give up because we have a family to be responsible for? I see my time slips away. I can't work on the wooden ship model I have as much as I'd like to. There are movies I'd love to watch, but I know my kids would not enjoy them. There is a saxophone gathering dust in the corner - not played since the end of college. I sometimes wonder about joining a soccer league. There are even things I would do with my job if I didn't have a family to care for. But my time is given to more important things - like bedtime routines, tickle fights, back rubs, and conversations about Polly Pocket.
And I know there are men who sacrifice more than I do. Men like those in a Dads Group I'm running right now. Men who haven't seen their children for months and therefore sacrifice those bedtime routines, the spontaneous tickle fights, and the quiet back rubs. These are men who come home to an empty house or apartment because their children just aren't there for whatever reason. These are men who have time to watch those movies, work on a hobby, or spend extra hours at work because they don't have to rush home to anyone. When I think of these guys, I wonder who is sacrificing more.
It makes me appreciate all the more the opportunity I have to sacrifice the things that don't last for those moments that build memories and a legacy.
It gives the sacrifice purpose.
What do you sacrifice for your children?
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Tiger's Legacy - a swing of the club or a swing in the backyard
Just some miscellaneous ramblings about the man Tiger as father. It is interesting how the world is divided on his return. Some come down very angry and demeaning about his return to his job (and that is what golf is for him - a job). Others are praising his ability to maintain his focus and intensity while his marriage is in ruin, his children are not with him, and all around him circles the mixture of jeers and praises, looking for a place to land. Here is a man (a husband and father) who has publicly fallen from grace - a man so polished, so squeaky clean in image that anything hinting of disrepute seemed to slide off of him, like my fried egg out of my teflon pan this morning.
And then there is the new commercial - an emotionless Tiger looking into the eyes of his father (and therefore into you, the viewer's eyes). Is this a look of repentance? of focus? of disinterest? of a teenager listening to the same lecture from his father for the thousandth time? I don't know. What I have heard is that Tiger's father was not a model of faithfulness as he modeled manhood and masculinity for his only child and so perhaps this commercial reflects a look of distrust. And Tiger's life may be an example of how the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. The legacy we leave is usually written in indelible ink.
And the news stories are all unclear on how things are going with his marriage. Is Elin leaving? Is she staying? Is she angry he has returned to golf? Just what is she thinking - and do I have the right to know? No, I don't believe I do.
But I am forced to look at a twisted response our world has to husbanding, to fatherhood, to the roles men take.
I say "twisted" because, like Tiger, most men's occupations and performance at a job are seen as the marker of what makes a man. The feeling that comes from so many angles is that "Tiger is amazing because he can come to work and focus on the tasks at hand without letting his private life get in the way." He is lauded for his ability to compartmentalize his life. He is rewarded for keeping those distractions like a wife and children from impacting his golf swing. What about the response that says: "Tiger is amazing because he doesn't let his work get in the way of his private life, his fathering, or his marriage"?
When Tiger swings a golf club he leaves an impression and a legacy that will carry on after his death. Centuries from now people will likely be talking about the greatest golfer of the Twenty-first century: his professional legacy will be intact. But will anyone be talking about his legacy as a father? Who will his children be? What difference will they be making in this world? Does a golf swing make a better world for us all? Or does taking responsibility for involving yourself in your marriage and with your children make a better world?
This whole situation forces me to wonder about society's priorities. More is made about a man's performance at his job than of his performance as a father and husband. Guys need role models who are not distracted by the fame or the work or the rewards and who choose to do the family thing because that is the best legacy they will ever leave. Guys need to be the role models that do the same. Children need to have fathers (men in their lives) who use work as one of the means to building a strong family. And we all need to honour the men who make this kind of choice - who choose to be at the backyard swing and leave the golf swing for another day.
And then there is the new commercial - an emotionless Tiger looking into the eyes of his father (and therefore into you, the viewer's eyes). Is this a look of repentance? of focus? of disinterest? of a teenager listening to the same lecture from his father for the thousandth time? I don't know. What I have heard is that Tiger's father was not a model of faithfulness as he modeled manhood and masculinity for his only child and so perhaps this commercial reflects a look of distrust. And Tiger's life may be an example of how the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. The legacy we leave is usually written in indelible ink.
And the news stories are all unclear on how things are going with his marriage. Is Elin leaving? Is she staying? Is she angry he has returned to golf? Just what is she thinking - and do I have the right to know? No, I don't believe I do.
But I am forced to look at a twisted response our world has to husbanding, to fatherhood, to the roles men take.
I say "twisted" because, like Tiger, most men's occupations and performance at a job are seen as the marker of what makes a man. The feeling that comes from so many angles is that "Tiger is amazing because he can come to work and focus on the tasks at hand without letting his private life get in the way." He is lauded for his ability to compartmentalize his life. He is rewarded for keeping those distractions like a wife and children from impacting his golf swing. What about the response that says: "Tiger is amazing because he doesn't let his work get in the way of his private life, his fathering, or his marriage"?
When Tiger swings a golf club he leaves an impression and a legacy that will carry on after his death. Centuries from now people will likely be talking about the greatest golfer of the Twenty-first century: his professional legacy will be intact. But will anyone be talking about his legacy as a father? Who will his children be? What difference will they be making in this world? Does a golf swing make a better world for us all? Or does taking responsibility for involving yourself in your marriage and with your children make a better world?
This whole situation forces me to wonder about society's priorities. More is made about a man's performance at his job than of his performance as a father and husband. Guys need role models who are not distracted by the fame or the work or the rewards and who choose to do the family thing because that is the best legacy they will ever leave. Guys need to be the role models that do the same. Children need to have fathers (men in their lives) who use work as one of the means to building a strong family. And we all need to honour the men who make this kind of choice - who choose to be at the backyard swing and leave the golf swing for another day.
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